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Spicing up the bedroom life, more pleasure, more orgasms, more intimacy and ecstasy is on most everyone’s mind, whether single or with your beau.
Everyday loving couples try to find ways to bring something new to the table. Maybe a cute outfit, maybe a new prop, maybe another person, all in the name of fun, exploration and connection.
Somehow, they hear of Tantra, and if they ever imagined sex to be spiritual, it lights them up inside.
They begin researching online, reading a few books, and attending Tantra workshops. However, before they know it, they run into pitfalls and confusions. (We will dispel a few of those today).
Most likely they each walked away with their own individualized idea of what Tantra is, and what it looks like, once integrated in the bedroom.
Is it breathing? Is it going slow? Is it “edging?” Is it sex without ejaculating? How would you even know you are having Tantric Sex once you are having it?
They don’t, and won’t, and so they put pressure on one another to orgasm more, or not ejaculate, because they want to “do Tantra” as opposed to “do one another” and lose sight of the overall intention of deeply feeling, expressing, and exploring their self deeply.
I’ve personally seen many couples needlessly break-up due to this. If they were to begin with solid foundations from the beginning, this scenario would have been avoided.
Here are 2 strong foundations for you to help you integrate and discern between the different Tantric Techniques being thought appropriately.
Foundation 1. Tantra in its essence IS energy-based, hence Chakra-based. Without knowledge in Chakras, one cannot even begin to “do Tantra.” By the way, an orgasm is pure energy.
All you need to know to begin your Tantric Sex Journey is where the Chakras are located in the body.
- 1st Chakra – is at your perineum
- 2nd Chakra – is 2 inches above your clitoris, or above the base of your penis – typically everyone has an “underwear line” there on their body
- 3rd Chakra – is 1 inch BELOW your bellybutton. Please ignore all the photos on google showing the 3rd chakra being on the ribcage.
- 4th Chakra – is at the very center of the chest, between your 2 nipples.
- 5th Chakra – is at the center of the throat, and honesty, just a tiny bit lower
- 6th Chaka – is at the center of the forehead
- 7th Chakra – is at the top of your head, and a little bit more forward, floating up above you.
Go ahead and place your hand on each of these points on your body until you have them memorized. You will need this for our Ritual today.
There are more Chakras in the Energy Body System, and as you become more fluid in esoteric anatomy you will discover more of them yourself.
Foundation 2. To discern between Tantric books, workshops and retreats, if you wish to learn the depths of transformational science, you want to ensure whatever you are learning is Energy-based, and always think of Tantra as energy.
In the words of my amazing teacher, “Once you think Tantra is something physical, you will be lost forever.”
So with these strong foundations, let’s continue with a major pitfall.
THE PITFALL. WILL IT BE MECHANICAL?
It is one thing to learn a bunch of Tantra Techniques, and it is a whole other playing field to understand who you personally are as a spiritual lover, learn to express your specific spiritual expression in the bedroom, and then integrate all the Tantra Techniques into the mix in a fluid, non-mechanical manner, thus maintaining your focus on your partner, and your depth of feeling, not the technique.
In my Elite Lovemaking®️ NYC Weekend Intensives, the focus is defining your own individual concept of what Spiritual Sex looks and feels like to you, birthing the proper Tantric Mindset from there, then providing Tantric Techniques for exploration.
I feel this approach is so incredibly key in avoiding so much confusion down the line. It builds the bridge for Tantric Techniques to be automatically integrated into your lovemaking style, so you never feel like you are doing a mechanical technique.
Plus, you will never wonder if you are “doing the technique correctly” or if you just had tantric sex. You know it deeply in your soul. You both felt something you couldn’t explain, it was new and fresh and possibly scary, and your connection grew stronger and deeper.
With that said, I feel it is more appropriate to say, I help couples have Spiritual Sex, as opposed to Tantric Sex. Trust me they will learn all the Tantric Techniques expertly! However the Tantric Techniques are the afterthought. Here is why.
If you say you want to be “healthy,” fruits and vegetables are the afterthought of health. They are the building blocks of health, but they are not THE health.
You see the problem right there? After workshops and tantric books, people try to do the “fruits and vegetables” instead of the spiritual sex. Many teachings inherently create this confusion and division in people, and it will translate terribly in their unique connection in the bedroom, as well as in their relationship.
Similarly, the Tantric Techniques and Philosophies are the building blocks of Spiritual Sex, but there are not The Spiritual Sex – the fruits and vegetables, are the building blocks of Health, but are not The Health.
So, if you are a loving couple – any couple! Any body! Any sexual orientation! – inspired by the idea of exploring spiritual sex, do you have to study forever?
You could, or you could get at least a few things right from the beginning by exploring the ESSENCE of Tantric Spiritual Sex, not the specific techniques.
THE RITUAL MINDSET
Remember! It is not about “edging”, or “not ejaculating”, or making someone’s body do something like orgasming multiple times.
IT IS SOLELY ABOUT BUILDING A CONNECTION TO YOUR SELF FIRST BY ACCESSING YOUR ENERGY BODY…
AND THEN STAYING PRESENT MOMENT BY MOMENT…
HAVING NO THOUGHTS! ALLOW WHAT IS HAPPENING TO HAPPEN…
NOT CHANGING IT…
NOT CHANGING IT BY STOPPING AND “MAKING IT” DO SOMETHING THAT ISN’T HAPPENING BECAUSE YOU MAY BE STUCK ON A GOAL.
The below Ritual is merely a recipe, for you to immerse yourself into, and allow something new to be inspired out of it, evoking something new in your lovemaking experience.
This Ritual is not an ending – it is merely a beginning set-up. There is no way to know how it ends, and you wouldn’t want too.
“It is not the intention of our Order to disclose all the Secrets of Alchemy and to throw them under the feet of the great crowds of the curiosity seekers, speculators and skeptics. Instead, it is meant to show the few sincere Seekers of the hidden Wisdom, the right direction, where one must search for the great Elixir. These Seekers will then have a measure, a standard in their possession, to assist them to differentiate between the writings of the true hermetic Adepts and the elaborations of the dreamers and charlatans.” Alchemy Unveiled by Johannes Helmond
For him, her, them…
1. Decide who goes first, and ask your partner to sit at the edge of the bed.
2. Sit behind them comfortably, placing one hand on their belly, and one on their heart.
3. Stay there and enjoy, aka breathe, without trying to synchronize your breathing patterns or anything like that. This makes your mind work, and we don’t want that, regardless of what many Tantric manuals wish to tell you – most are creating more roadblocks for you.
4. Stay there until your mental chatter relaxes.
5. Place both of your hands, one on top of another, on your partner’s heart (4th chakra).
6. Ask them to inhale through their nose, and on the exhale, just to open their mouth, and allow (not making or forcing) the sound to come out.
7. Instruct them to do this 3 times.
You will notice the first sound might be “heavy”, “unharmonious”, as the body begins to release its stresses. It can even sound like a groan filled with angers and frustrations held in the body.
By the 3x, you will notice the sound quality is much more harmonious and stress-free. If it is not yet, continue for as many inhales and exhales as needed, until the sound quality of what comes out with the exhale feels right. You will not need many times.
Truly you be by amazed how quickly the body removes stress, and how quickly it goes back to harmony if you just know how.
8. Then slide your hands downwards, placing both of your hands, one on top of another, right under your partner’s bellybutton on the low belly (3rd chakra).
9. Once again, ask them to inhale through their nose, and on the exhale, just to open the mouth, and allow (not making or forcing) the sound to come out.
10. Instruct them to do this 3 times, or more, until the sound quality feels relaxed and harmonious.
11. You will continue this for more chakras. It may take 10 minutes. Take your time. You are helping your partner connect to themselves deeper so they can feel more pleasure up the spine when the time comes. More why this is important later.
12. Slide your hands downwards, placing them right above the base of the clitoris or above the base of the penis (2nd chakra).
13. Instruct them to inhale through the nose, and exhale out the mouth allowing, not making, the sound to come out of the mouth. Repeat 3x or more.
14. Slide your hands downwards, placing them right underneath their seat around the area of the perineum (1st chakra). Inhale and exhale in the same pattern 3x until the sound has assisted your partner’s body to relieve all stresses.
The science of Tantric Sex revolves around bringing orgasmic energy up the spine. However, if the body and mind are filled with stresses, the body and spine will feel barricaded, not allowing pleasure and intensity to enter the spine, go up the spine, and naturally result in a full-body orgasm.
This Ritual begins in such a manner to relieve stresses from the body and mind, so now anything that you do next will be felt at a heightened level, bringing you and your partner deeper satisfaction.
Even if your sex life is amazing, trust me you have not hit your ceiling! You can explore many more layers of pleasure available to you both.
15. Since you are already sitting behind your partner, place one hand again on their heart, and with the other slowly begin to stroke their genitals. Instruct your partner to keep their focus on their heart, as much as they can, while everything else is going on.
You will both be incredibly turned on by now. Go with it. No need to make the exhaling-stress-sounds anymore, just your natural pleasure sounds which hopefully are more vocal for you both.
I suspect your breathing patterns will be naturally synchronized, you will be so incredibly in-tune with one another, and you will know just how slow or fast to stroke them below.
They might orgasm then, and you might both feel to stop then due to the intensity. If you can handle more, you might continue to more lovemaking and enjoy a completely in-tune and intense rest of the evening.
What is not needed, is to switch all of a sudden, and start all over with the other partner sitting down at the edge of the bed, doing the inhales and exhales. That is a hard NO.
Rituals like this and many more can be expected during my Elite Lovemaking®️ Intensives in NYC. Are performed always in private!
Allow the rest of your evening to be fully defined by your connection and imagination. Hope this brings something new, delicious, and potent into your lives.
If you have questions feel free to contact me.
With total soul,